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Jesus. Olivia. Faith.
"A new discovery of love, hope and joy."
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About Me
"Life is about finding yourself. Don't be afraid to express yourself!" Olivia Faith Low I'M A FRIEND OF GOD! 13 July ig.joliviafaith Speak out
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Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Hang on Time is not by my side. I felt a mixture of positive and negative feelings inside of me. It was like 3years ago, how I felt while working and studying in SOT. I felt the stress mode increasing and anytime I can just breakdown. Yesterday I felt that way, I don't think I can handle anymore stuffs that are in my hands now. Is a love hate relationship with my passion. Learning to say no and voicing out is essential but yet so tough for me. I hate this position I am standing in. Sometimes we just need alittle more understanding and communication, we need that in the world. But it was through those days I learnt to lean on God's strength. I told God let me do all things effortlessly and I don't have to strive so hard. I pray for the favour and grace of God in this period of time. Is not what I can do anymore, but what He can do through me. Just for this 1-2 months. Hang on Olivia. Thursday, May 21, 2015
Human "You say you’re ‘depressed’ – all I see is resilience. You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective – it just means you’re human.” – David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas Friday, May 15, 2015
Tired Constantly feeling the same way, constantly tested by the same thing, constantly feeling weary. Letting go and let God in. This is definetly not easy. I know I should let go but yet I am still holding on to it. I know I shouldn't continue feeling the same way but it just keep coming. You feel you can't live without it because you are getting used to it and you feel empty without it but actually you can and you are still gonna be perfectly fine. You need a decision, a firm one to just say I can't do this anymore. Giving up and letting go. A line need to be draw. Tonight I have mixed feelings with many thoughts, many ifs, many doubts in my mind. I guess we all go through it. Because I feel the drift....slowly and I can't control it anymore. I know is hard to keep holding on because is aimless. Sometimes I still guess it is possible, but I tell myself no. You don't know what I am talking about I just need to say things out from my mind and heart. I needed to feel better. Anyway school started for me, i don't know how I feel. Is exciting but yet scary. I feel I can give up easily but I really want to complete it. I guess I need to have the momentum back. Slowly and surely. Olivia. You can do it ok? Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Love is powerful  Joshua, me and xuxu. My 21st present from them thank you:) It was just like yesterday I first knew them in SOT. I can't really recalled how I first talk to them. Really thank God we were in the same team. I remember me being very busy during that year and thank God I still managed to build relationship with them. I rmb asking them whether they are couple for the very first time because one was from Malaysia and one was from China. But they didn't give any reply. I knew it was a complicated relationship. However, I still build relationship with them. I will give any help and support to them for eg allowing them to stay at my place(xuxu and I slept together, had many heart to heart talks), editing videos (which I forever is helping people with), joined my cell group for services. As days grow closer, xuxu will share with me the relationship with Joshua. I really felt they are a heavenly matchy couple. I really supported the relationship. But it was difficult because of some issues and long distance relationship was really a concern for both of them. Xuxu will tell me that if they really can't be together, Joshua and her will work hard and serve God in their own country so they both can go up to heaven and meet again. So touching right. During graduation day, xuxu had to rush back to China, she couldn't join us for the second graduation service. So xuxu and Joshua came over my place. I rmb xuxu hugged me tightly, I was already crying the whole entire week, I couldn't bear to let her leave and of course my other team mates. Xuxu was also feeling the same, especially towards Joshua. Joshua couldn't send her off because he need to serve for the service. So they didn't manage to see each other in the airport. I bid goodbye with her, deep in my heart I knew we will meet one day. True enough, ever since we graduated 3 years ago, I will always meet her once a year in JB with Joshua. Every year I will see her. I knew she was struggling, Joshua was struggling too, both in their ministry and their relationship. Xuxu became skinner each year when I met her. She told me that she was in depression because of the relationship. I rmb calling her asking her to boldly make a decision with Joshua about their relationship because I really can't bear to see her suffer. Both of them needed to sacrifice for each other. I didn't hear from them from a while. I know Joshua started a church in JB but just didn't know about the progress of their relationship. One day, xuxu dropped a msg in wechat and told us they are getting married. From the bottom of my heart, I was really happy. I was shocked at first but I really admired xuxu's courage to let go of everything in China. Their love is indeed powerful.  Last Sunday, I attended their wedding. During the days in SOT, this must be something hard to imagine, but really by the power of love, it happened. I keep thinking about God in their lives. This is so amazing. I thank God I can experience something like that as a third party. I don't think xuxu knows about JB before SOT. Just amazed by how God works. When they put God in the centre of everything, God will grant the desire of both their hearts. They finally got married!!! Xuxu is nearer to me now at JB. She is now a pastor's wife. Joshua is a senior pastor now at culture harvest church. His church is make up of many designers and musicians. Really hipster. Haha     Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Brokenness When I am truly broken in the inside, I can be strong outside. Because Jesus came and lived in my heart. My shattered pieces of my heart were fixed back together by Jesus. It was 3years ago, I remember when my rabbit died, I was so sad because I couldn't see him for the one last time. I was crying and felt my heart was broken. It was back then Jesus revealed that He is going to hold on to my broken heart. He is the glory and the lifter of my head. I will always remember this revelation whenever I am having a broken heart. Today I got reminded again about a broken heart, a unhappy soul. Sometimes, I wonder if I don't have Jesus in my life, will I sink into depression and commit sucide. I am a very emotional weak person. Haha. But today, I can be as happy as I am while in the midst of still having a depress soul in a while, because of Jesus Christ. Like what Pastor Kong had shared last week service, I can be strong because Jesus is building my inner capacity, holding me on and staying close with me even times when I can't feel Him or things happening in my life. Jesus is still with me. In the midst of bad situations, I am constantly reminded that nothing can separate me with the love of Christ. Recent months, I couldn't feel God as close as last time, move with God. Tbh, I felt depressed about life. But when I came to His presence, I will have a breakdown because of my brokenness, knowing that I am not worthy but yet He made me worthy. And when I worship, God always remind me is not about me anymore but is about God. A broken and a contrite heart- Theses, O God, You will not despise. Psalm 51:17(b) When I am broken, I will know how strong my God can be in my life. A weak heart but a strong God behind it. :) Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Faith Faith to fight Faith to fail Faith to finish 1 Peter 1:8-9 in MSG
You never saw him, yet you love him. You still don’t see him, yet you trust him—with laughter and singing. Because you kept on believing, you’ll get what you’re looking forward to: total salvation. Monday, May 4, 2015
My heart was made for U  This was one of the quote I came across few months ago which really speak how I felt. I knew I was sad, but it wasn't that kind of sadness that gonna take away my life. I know it just take time, it take more than just hard work but a lot of heart work to do. That kind of sadness which you know you are gonna be alright because you know that you are enlarging and stretching your inner capacity and you wanted that. You are sad about your life because you feel is not enough, you know you can't just be where you are now, you are hungry for better results changes and improvement. You are just sad because there a sense of losing, defeated and you are feeling stucked with all the negative emotions especially fear. Those are real feelings you experienced it so hard about yourself that you know only God can heal. Not even time can heal it. You just need to believe again- especially in yourself. I felt I was caught between who I am and who I want to be. And I know I am a work in progress, that I cannot always have it all figured out... And you keep searching for yourself and trying to love who you...yet you are caught by His grace. Rmb, not who you are but is really who He is. |
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